Blinding LightIt's blinding, this light and as the wind blows,
I feel nothing.
Trying to steal back the pieces of emotion taken from me
Walking through this tunnel of light
There is no end
And as I walk, I feel death.
There is no struggle,
Because it's got me right where it wants me.
Silent but sweet and alluring,
Convincing my conscious to bear down and finish me off.
There's no use in fighting,
The battle is already won.
Green EnoughThe Grass is Never Green Enough
We spend our entire existence,
Jumping from place to place
Looking for something else
Seeking a sort of satisfaction
Finding grass never green enough
It's not green we want, it's blue.
A ManifestoI think of these passing days as a reminder why I'm still alone. And the funny thing is that it never matter until about two weeks ago, when I started lying again. It's a disorder, I used to have it under control, but now it goes on a rampage, controlling me. My psychiatrist used to feed me this crap about how I lie to contain myself in my fortress of safety, where no one can hurt me. Because I've let my guard down too many times, opened the door too many times, and people have come in and stabbed the hell out of me. Because I let them, because they could, so I'm trying to prevent that from happening again, and in the process of doing that, I am forbidding the good to come in as well. So it is not only loneliness that plagues me, it's sadness, and regret for trusting too much and loving the wrong people.
So there is a reason why I'm happy all the time, it is me pretending to be, for the benefit of those who can't handle it, for those who've never felt this kind of pain and betrayal. So
Another DreamI lie there cold,
Wrapped in my body
Clinging to myself
In the hopes that
Flow freely in my veins
I lay here
In a room of white
My presence tainting it
SinsThe wisdom of a thousand fools is what got me here.
The dying roses cradled me, their thorns digging in my skin.
Is this my punishment? It's been forever since my last confession.
I must admit nothing at all can redeem from this fate that befalls me
Eternal mistakes are never truly forgiven, no matter much we try to block them out.
They stay with us always, as a reminder that we can never escape who we really are.